calming corners

Q and A with Author Nikki Nokes

 

Nikki Nokes grew up in West Bloomfield Michigan. After graduating from Harvard Law School she spent some time on the east coast. Presently, Nokes lives in Los Angeles and works as an attorney in the music Industry. Maybe…It’s You is her first book.

What influenced you to write Maybe…It’s You? There came a point where I literally felt overwhelmed by the multitude of media stories circulating that professional women, and specifically black women could only look forward to limited and dismal dating options.  In taking inventory of my own experience, I couldn’t help but continually think “Well, maybe…it’s you!” every time I heard a woman echoing a similar sentiment. I wanted to change the trajectory of the conversation. There’s no hope in thinking and saying that there are no available men to date.  I would much rather that women look inward and use each other as support and sounding boards to become better people, generally. That’s what I was hoping to inspire with Maybe…It’s You!   

Can you tell us about the book? The book is an exploration of women’s thoughts, actions, inactions and misconceptions that keep them continually unsuccessful in relationships.  The information in the book is the result of extensive research, including an open survey where I asked respondents to list reasons why they believe that women find such lack of success in romance. I got hundreds of responses. I found quite a bit of surprising and extremely interesting demographic information when I asked people to name their own priorities in life. There was a drastic difference between what men wanted at certain ages and what women wanted. The book is the result of all of that data condensed into a digestible format with a friendly and accessible tone. It’s meant to feel just like a conversation that you would have with one of your close girlfriends at a happy hour. 

How does this book differ from other relationship books? In my experience, in reading many of the popular relationship books, I felt like I got useful general information, but nothing that I could really apply to improve my specific experience. The intention of Maybe… It’s You is to take the reader on a journey where hopefully she will be better off after she reads it.  It’s meant to be a tool of empowerment and I think that it is one of the few books that focuses on what’s going on with the woman, rather than what’s going on with the man. That’s a really important difference.

What are your expectations for the book?  My objective was to create something excellent first and second to address a real issue that women are having.  It’s almost palpable, the pain that I perceive from women who are searching for the “why” with respect to their lack of success in relationships.  I sought to provide the answers in a way that will allow us to continue to love and respect ourselves.  I wanted to do something that had never been done before.  I think that I did a good job of accomplishing all of my objectives.  So, that said, I expect the book to do very well. 

 Do you plan on writing more books?  Absolutely, I’m planning the release of my second book in September. My first book is about relationships; my second book is about time management. I envision a line of books under the “Maybe It’s You” title that provide useful information to women to enable us to lead more fulfilled lives. 

What is your take on relationships?
Thankfully, I’m still un-jaded.  I’ve dated some great guys and I’ve had my fair share of duds.  I think that a relationship provides an irreplaceable opportunity to learn and grow.  We’re not meant to walk through life alone. That said, I do believe that healthy relationships require work, self-awareness and reflection

Do you feel that successful women have a difficult time finding a relationship if so why? If you’re successful, then that means that you’ve naturally selected yourself out of the mass of the general population. There just aren’t that many people who are “successful.”  So, if you’re looking for your equal or better, there really are less people, generally speaking, to pick from. Also, I think that some of the personality traits that make a woman “successful” are some of the exact traits that keep her single. I talk about this in detail in my book.  

What are your top three relationship tips? There are so many important factors to consider. But, I can list three very important things: 

1.  Always be honest in communicating your wants and needs. 

2.  Make it a point to evaluate your mate’s statements and actions from their perspective instead of your own.  Otherwise, you wind up making incorrect assumptions which are the breeding ground for relationship strife.  

3. Exercise! That one is very important. I explain more in my book.

Anything else you would like to add? You asked some great questions. I think that we covered a lot. I just want to thank you and your readers for your support! Thanks!

Maybe.. It’s You will be available for purchase through www.nikkinokes.com 2 on January 22, 2010 and nationwide on February 1, 2010.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more information visit www.nikkinokes.com 2.